"Happy" New Year...

It seems the fates have conspired to grant me a somewhat quiet New Years Eve, but maybe after the last year stopping to take a breath might not be such a bad thing!

This time last year, I was gearing up to publish some new titles in the Spring, Hedge Witchery Books had continued to tick along nicely and I just hood-winked Ricky into doing some work with me to help me keep up with the admin side of things. As far as my psychic readings went I was doing pretty well, though having a few moral dilemmas over some of the commercial aspects of it. I had also arranged to teach a few courses and workshops, some of you will know this is something I always said I wouldn't do. Not because I didn't want to, but because I doubted my public speaking issues would allow it.

Outside of my working life things had been chaotic but had calmed down. We had just been moved into a new flat as a bit of an emergency following a run it with the worlds sh*ttyist landlord., it wasn't perfect... but it felt like home for the time being.

So The kids were great and enjoying home schooling, we had a new home, everything all in all was going pretty well.

So on this day 12 months ago, I was looking forward and planning on a course of action for decorating my flat, getting stuck into planning more events, and generally being pretty happy with life, and I was happy. The few years prior had been fairly cr*p, not all the time, but it did often feel like brief periods of rest bite between disasters. However, thanks to a mix of terminal optimism, coffee, good friends and some carefully selected medication, I had achieved "happy".

Sometimes... f*ck it - Most of the time "Happy" is an achievement. You have to decide that's what you want to be, and go looking for it. Sometimes it means walking away from a steady job and risking rack-and-ruin working for yourself. Sometimes it means having faith in something despite all logic and reason. Sometimes it means emotionally walking off a cliff, falling to your death, then picking yourself up and saying "right lets try that again shall we!"

But here's the wonderful part... the part I discovered this year. Once you get that first spark of "Happy" it starts to spread, infecting your life with little flames of contentment without you really realising it.

Over the past 12 months my life has been awesome... there have been a few glitches and challenges... but they all seem to land us in a better place than we were before. I started the year by hosting some workshops, my nerves didn't interrupt them too much and I went on to book a lot more. Gordon moved back to the UK in the Spring and we decided to meet-up as friends, trying to be all nonchalant and cool and all that bullsh*t... which lasted for all of... oh, about, 3 hours! And, so the little trail of flames grew.

So as I type this post, staring down the barrel of 2013. I am sat in our beautiful house, in a remote village in the Northumberland/Scottish borders, planning a kick-ass handfasting to a ridiculously lovable bushcraft instructor, I have an almost-publish-able second book and tarot deck, two very contented children and a 2013 diary full of "work" that will surround us with fantastic people in wonderful places, and, I would like to very sincerely wish you all a "Happy" New Year.

Running

Run, child, run.
Run at the world, without restraint.
Run into life.
Grab it up.
Be greedy for it.
There is no limit on it, it will not run out.
Hold it close.
Dance in it.
Twirl and swirl as you marvel at it.

One day you'll stop to catch your breath.
Look back in wonder at the dance you led.
See someone’s swirled into your path, and start to dance with them.

Run together,
Hold each other,
Help each other snatch up joy.
Take on the world together,
Take all you can,
Share it all,
Share everyday,
Fall even more in love,
A little more each day.

One day you'll stop to lie and rest.
Look back upon the life you've led.
And be thankful that you never stopped running, hand in hand.

Head-F*ck Love

I'm a busy, busy woman,
With lots & lots to do,
So how is it I spend all day doing naught but think of you?

I'm a very busy woman,
I have lots of things to do,
But my ever working mind is halted, reminiscing about you.

You're not ever here right now,

It really is absurd,

My industrious little conscience is going totally unheard.

I try to be so logical,
I really, really do,
But every time I turn around there’s some reminder there of you.

I'm a clever, clever woman,
And of one fact I am sure,
This just isn't normal I should surely seek a cure.

I'm a busy, busy woman,
With lots of  things to do,
But all I want, from everyday, is to have spent it all with you.

Double Edged Love

Like footsteps growing heavier, as they come down the hall,
You're ever nearing presence, causes my emotional freefall,
I know I shouldn't want you, that my loyalty is misplaced,
But my resolve will disappear, the second I see your face,

You said my place was in your heart, and always on your mind,
But I was just a convenient bed, a way to pass the time,
A loving little rest stop, whilst you had nothing better to do,
I don't know why you  make-believe, that I was anything more to you,

You didn’t have to lie to me, we could have just had fun,
You didn’t have to kill me, with a promise loaded gun,
As your footsteps get louder, I wait to see if they stop at my door,
Both dreading & craving, the sight of you once more.

Poem: Finding Love

When I found you, I had already stopped looking for you,

I was looking for something close to you,

An almost you, a substitute you,

I had already decided that you did not exist,

We stumbled across each other in the mine field that is modern communications,

neither of us sure what we had found,

But both interested enough to want to find out,

I remember my first thought when I first actually saw you... "It's him!"

That mythical person who I had dreamt of, but I feared had eluded incarnation in the physical.

I'm not sure how I knew... But I did.

something about how you looked at me, convinced me you were actually seeing 'me'...

not my clothes or my journey fried hair or my day worn make-up, but me.

When you listened to me you really heard me,

More than that you really wanted to hear me,

Savouring my words as fleeting gifts,

As the conversation made the night pass too quick.

I couldn't believe the amount of small inconsequential things we shared,

Things too unique to be coincidence, that added to all the little voices in my head still whispering in awe... "Its him!"

OK, I'm sure lots of people love 'The Breakfast Club',

But how many of them also gave up reading 'Lord of the Rings' because they found it too boring and way too long winded?

I thought I had nothing to give you, but you found things to take anyway,

And then you showed them back to me as treasures,

And I know you see yourself as flawed, but your dents and scrapes fit perfectly round my own rough edges,

So to my imperfect eye you are flawless.

And then grew the fear, I knew if you chose to love me, your love could never hurt me.

But if I chose to love you, my love on the other hand, giving that away could kill me.

It almost had in the past, and I'm pretty sure it could in the future.

But... there were those voices... "It's him!"

And, now time has passed,

And though circumstance has endeavoured to keep us apart,

You want to know what tells me that it won't succeed forever?

That little voice, the one that in amazement whispered "It's him".

Blissful Anarchy

Lazy fingers trace each others silhouettes,

Amongst a patchwork of blankets, pillows and discarded clothes, we lie,

Flavoured with sweet smelling smoke, and even sweeter honey wine,

Our protest against the real world continues, as it has for days,

Within the silence we express the contentment of our shared emotions,

With no real need for words, we say everything that we need to,

Phones go unanswered, mail gets ignored.

Wind chimes muted behind closed curtains provide the soundtrack to our blissful, quiet anarchy,

Revelling in the sweetness of our defiance against “what we should be doing”,

Never wanting to leave and do anything else.

Loves Escape

Two separate prisons,

both existing in one place,

It became a happy incarceration,

We let falling in love pass the days,

What we had been calling circumstance,

We switched to calling fate,

Neither really sure how we existed,

Without the others embrace,

I was there when your walls crumbled,

But my own cage still remained,

So much elation on your face,

I rejoiced with you all the same,

As your light shone brighter,

For me you became harder to see,

Like a beacon growing stronger,

As you’re swept away to sea,

You swear that you’re not leaving me,

That it won’t be long before your return,

That when the sun dawns that day,

You will take me as your own,

I know you would never lie to me,

I believe your intentions to be true,

But I see how you love that freedom,

Through the bars I watch you through,

Don’t think that I resent you,

That I would rather take your place,

Having to leave your liberty,

To retrieve me from this cage,

And if you can’t make it back for me,

I can’t say you won’t face blame,

My heart would be too shattered,

To ever plan an escape again.