Hello... and sorry for the massive gap between posts, but things have gotten a little hectic of late!
First we had the new website to go with the HWB Blog, then the first issue of Incantation... and then rushed to hospital with suspected meningitis (it wasn't I'm fine, but fyi, lumbar punch tests are about as much fun as they sound!)
Anyway all that over with, spent last weekend having great time at PF Myddle Earth Camp (all the juicey deets on that to come in future post), though on my arrival home decided it was time to tackle the email mountain.
Now, I'm not saying I'm popular... but I get A LOT of emails. And don't get me wrong here, I love getting email's from people, infact I encourage them, and have all my social network info on the site. But, there is one type of email that really just annoys me. And, I'm sure anyone involved in the online pagan community will have had similar one's. They're the "Doesn't it annoy you when..." one's. The "Arn't you sick of..." one's. The "I can't stand those..." one's.
Well to save anyone sending future emails here's my answers in advance:
Q: Does it annoy me when old pagans/young pagans/initiate paths/any other one targeted group/individual act like they know 'it all'?
A: Not really... certainly not enough to spend time and energy bulk emailing my entire contacts list about it, besides these people are usually in the minority of any given group.
Q: Can they really expect to be taken seriously when they believe/do/act like that?
A: Yes... well much more than you can expect to be taken seriously whilst trying to dictate to others what they can and can't do or believe!
Q: Don't you think we should try and stop this group/event/person?
A: No... unless they're doing something illegal! If you don't like what they're doing or saying stop spending so much bloody time listening to/reading/watching it.
Now do I personally read things and think "you're talking bollocks!"? YES! Do I fully appreciate that a lot of people will look at the things I think and say "you're talking bollocks!"? YES! Do I sometimes - (and I'm not proud of this) - quiet like a bit of a bitching session with a friend or two over some wine? Yeah ok, a bit!
It's rediculous to think that I would agree with everyone eles's belifes and ideas all of the time... And to think that I would never ever find some of them a little annoying... But I will always defend their right to believe them... and express their belifes and ideas in any - (legal ;D) - way they see fit!
Thursday, 8 July 2010
Sunday, 18 April 2010
Picking yourself back up...
In June 2006 I appeared to all the world to have everything all sewn-up. I’d been married to my teenage sweet-heart for 3 years. Within that time we’d had a son, quickly followed by a daughter, we’d taken out a mortgage and bought our first home. To all the world we must have appeared the perfect young couple. Closed doors can hide a lot.
As you can imagine, with two very young children and a new home money was tight. I went back to work full time and knew that my husbands first priority was to me and the children… well so I thought. After my daughter was born in the previous January he had been spending more and more time away from home, out with friends. At first I tried to be understanding, thinking that the pressure of family life was a lot and he probably just needed some ‘me’ time. As time went on it got beyond a joke. I’d walk in from work and he’d walk out, off to meet his friends. I was scrimping over the food and clothes shopping, he was spending his wages in the pub. I tried to organise a weekend away at the sea-side, nothing big, just some time together, but apparently he ‘had to work’. I went anyway, with my parents to help with the kids. I called from the B&B to let him know we’d gotten there safe and sound, you could hear him shushing someone in the background before he said hello. A quick call to the office confirmed he wasn’t actually working at all.
Did I confront him? No.
Why? I was 23, I had two babies, you do the maths.
A few weeks later things came to a head. I don’t remember exactly what started that argument, but I remember what finished it. 'I can’t go on with you going on at me all the time’ he whinged. ’Drop the kids at day -care in the morning. I’ll pick them up, then we’re going to my parents.’ I said in a frighteningly calm voice. That was at about 2am, I sat drinking cups of tea until 6am, then headed to work, it didn’t quite feel real.
I sat at my desk waiting for my manager to come in so I could ask for some emergency leave, she of course told me to go home on sick leave immediately. Then I made that dreaded call to my Mum. I don’t think I’ve ever heard swearing that venomous. It was lucky for my husband she couldn’t drive and had no way of getting her hands on him.
The following months flew by. I had to set-up a new home, arrange a divorce, start to re-build a life. I’d been back at work a few weeks, after being on the sick with ’stress’ for a few months, it was mid-September. Then the call came, “…yes, that’s right. We’ll be going ahead with re-possession in a few days.” I had agreed that he could keep the home we had together, we hadn’t owned it long and there was no equity there. What I forgot was my name was still on the mortgage. He hadn’t paid the mortgage for 10 months, as all the letters were addressed to Mr & Mrs, I left them for him to take care of. Unless they sold it for a fair bit more than we paid for it, there would still be debt outstanding, debt I was jointly responsible for. I fell apart at my desk, but quickly pulled myself together, made my excuses and headed to the house as I still had a few belongings there.
I let myself in, luckily I still had a key. I remember I was going through a pile of papers trying to find the kids birth certificates when I found it. A hotel receipt, for a double room, booked in his name… for the weekend I was away with the kids at the sea-side. And the really sad part, I didn’t have enough fight left in me to react. I got what I needed, got out of there and went home.
I can imagine your reaction at this tale so far, but here’s the thing. We haven’t got to the bad part yet.
Several months later and I still hadn’t stopped still long enough to really think about what had happened, really sit myself down and accept it, until one fateful day. The divorce was being sorted, I had my new home set-up. I happily walked into work and clicked on the computer, my inbox calendar opened, displaying the date. It was my wedding anniversary. That was it, in the middle of a large customer service department, I lost it. After half an hour of uncontrollable sobbing, my fantastically understanding manager got me in a taxi to my doctors. I left an hour later with anti-depressants, tranquilisers, an appointment with a therapist, a sick note for a month and a diagnosis of major depression with bouts of severe nervous anxiety.
From this point on things went down hill fast, I never did return to that office. I never went out, I just went more and more inside myself. I went through all the motions to stop people worrying. I went to the doctors, I went to the therapist , I took my 'happy pills'. But when no-one was looking my behaviour became more and more erratic. More and more unpredictable. I was rebelling against the whole situation, who wanted to be a twenty-something single mother, with no job, no friends and no way out of it? There were incidents along the way that flashed warning signs to my family, but what could they do, apart from offer help they knew I wouldn’t accept. It still kills me to wonder how much of it the kids picked up on.
It all came to a head one weekend when the kids were with their Dad. I lined up 3 months worth of anti-depressants along with a few packets of various pain killers and a bottle of vodka. I sat and tearfully wrote a note addressed to my Mum. Then there was a knock at the door, my ex, dropping the kids off early. I hurriedly took them inside and said goodbye to him. I took them upstairs and tucked them into bed and kissed them goodnight, then went back downstairs and came face to face with the decision I was about to make.
I couldn’t… not with my babies upstairs blissfully asleep, totally unaware of what a horrible place to world could be, totally unaware that their mother was losing it. So I phoned my Mum.
I won’t go into detail about the level of drama that followed, but you can imagine the fall out. The thing is when circumstance drags you that far down, the only way you can go is up. And the first step was coming to terms with the fact I had a mental illness, I’d had one for some time… and I’d probably always have it.
The past few years have been a long road. I’m happy to say I’m now controlling my illness myself without medication. My life is now back on track, I’m in a new home, the divorce is over and I’ve found a way to balance my work life so it doesn’t get too much and I can make time for doing those things I love which allow me to deal with things and be happy. I’ve also discovered a few truths along the way. Firstly, you won’t ever be the best mother in the world, but if you try to be, your kids will swear you are! Secondly, thing’s rarely work out the way you planned, so take every day as it comes and enjoy what it brings. Lastly, most of the things you stay awake at night worrying about don’t matter a damn. Next time you find yourself in this situation ask yourself this ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ usually nothing major. And, if the worst does happen have a little faith in your friends/family/the universe/whatever gods you worship, that they will catch you if you fall.
No matter how dark things get… everything works out in the end. Trust me
As you can imagine, with two very young children and a new home money was tight. I went back to work full time and knew that my husbands first priority was to me and the children… well so I thought. After my daughter was born in the previous January he had been spending more and more time away from home, out with friends. At first I tried to be understanding, thinking that the pressure of family life was a lot and he probably just needed some ‘me’ time. As time went on it got beyond a joke. I’d walk in from work and he’d walk out, off to meet his friends. I was scrimping over the food and clothes shopping, he was spending his wages in the pub. I tried to organise a weekend away at the sea-side, nothing big, just some time together, but apparently he ‘had to work’. I went anyway, with my parents to help with the kids. I called from the B&B to let him know we’d gotten there safe and sound, you could hear him shushing someone in the background before he said hello. A quick call to the office confirmed he wasn’t actually working at all.
Did I confront him? No.
Why? I was 23, I had two babies, you do the maths.
A few weeks later things came to a head. I don’t remember exactly what started that argument, but I remember what finished it. 'I can’t go on with you going on at me all the time’ he whinged. ’Drop the kids at day -care in the morning. I’ll pick them up, then we’re going to my parents.’ I said in a frighteningly calm voice. That was at about 2am, I sat drinking cups of tea until 6am, then headed to work, it didn’t quite feel real.
I sat at my desk waiting for my manager to come in so I could ask for some emergency leave, she of course told me to go home on sick leave immediately. Then I made that dreaded call to my Mum. I don’t think I’ve ever heard swearing that venomous. It was lucky for my husband she couldn’t drive and had no way of getting her hands on him.
The following months flew by. I had to set-up a new home, arrange a divorce, start to re-build a life. I’d been back at work a few weeks, after being on the sick with ’stress’ for a few months, it was mid-September. Then the call came, “…yes, that’s right. We’ll be going ahead with re-possession in a few days.” I had agreed that he could keep the home we had together, we hadn’t owned it long and there was no equity there. What I forgot was my name was still on the mortgage. He hadn’t paid the mortgage for 10 months, as all the letters were addressed to Mr & Mrs, I left them for him to take care of. Unless they sold it for a fair bit more than we paid for it, there would still be debt outstanding, debt I was jointly responsible for. I fell apart at my desk, but quickly pulled myself together, made my excuses and headed to the house as I still had a few belongings there.
I let myself in, luckily I still had a key. I remember I was going through a pile of papers trying to find the kids birth certificates when I found it. A hotel receipt, for a double room, booked in his name… for the weekend I was away with the kids at the sea-side. And the really sad part, I didn’t have enough fight left in me to react. I got what I needed, got out of there and went home.
I can imagine your reaction at this tale so far, but here’s the thing. We haven’t got to the bad part yet.
Several months later and I still hadn’t stopped still long enough to really think about what had happened, really sit myself down and accept it, until one fateful day. The divorce was being sorted, I had my new home set-up. I happily walked into work and clicked on the computer, my inbox calendar opened, displaying the date. It was my wedding anniversary. That was it, in the middle of a large customer service department, I lost it. After half an hour of uncontrollable sobbing, my fantastically understanding manager got me in a taxi to my doctors. I left an hour later with anti-depressants, tranquilisers, an appointment with a therapist, a sick note for a month and a diagnosis of major depression with bouts of severe nervous anxiety.
From this point on things went down hill fast, I never did return to that office. I never went out, I just went more and more inside myself. I went through all the motions to stop people worrying. I went to the doctors, I went to the therapist , I took my 'happy pills'. But when no-one was looking my behaviour became more and more erratic. More and more unpredictable. I was rebelling against the whole situation, who wanted to be a twenty-something single mother, with no job, no friends and no way out of it? There were incidents along the way that flashed warning signs to my family, but what could they do, apart from offer help they knew I wouldn’t accept. It still kills me to wonder how much of it the kids picked up on.
It all came to a head one weekend when the kids were with their Dad. I lined up 3 months worth of anti-depressants along with a few packets of various pain killers and a bottle of vodka. I sat and tearfully wrote a note addressed to my Mum. Then there was a knock at the door, my ex, dropping the kids off early. I hurriedly took them inside and said goodbye to him. I took them upstairs and tucked them into bed and kissed them goodnight, then went back downstairs and came face to face with the decision I was about to make.
I couldn’t… not with my babies upstairs blissfully asleep, totally unaware of what a horrible place to world could be, totally unaware that their mother was losing it. So I phoned my Mum.
I won’t go into detail about the level of drama that followed, but you can imagine the fall out. The thing is when circumstance drags you that far down, the only way you can go is up. And the first step was coming to terms with the fact I had a mental illness, I’d had one for some time… and I’d probably always have it.
The past few years have been a long road. I’m happy to say I’m now controlling my illness myself without medication. My life is now back on track, I’m in a new home, the divorce is over and I’ve found a way to balance my work life so it doesn’t get too much and I can make time for doing those things I love which allow me to deal with things and be happy. I’ve also discovered a few truths along the way. Firstly, you won’t ever be the best mother in the world, but if you try to be, your kids will swear you are! Secondly, thing’s rarely work out the way you planned, so take every day as it comes and enjoy what it brings. Lastly, most of the things you stay awake at night worrying about don’t matter a damn. Next time you find yourself in this situation ask yourself this ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ usually nothing major. And, if the worst does happen have a little faith in your friends/family/the universe/whatever gods you worship, that they will catch you if you fall.
No matter how dark things get… everything works out in the end. Trust me
Thursday, 8 April 2010
Virtual Book Tour
Ok I'm going on tour... well a Virtual Book Tour! Here's where I'll be and when...
April 11- Guest Blogging at Authors Promoting Authors http://authorspromotingauthors.blogspot.com/
April 13 - Author Interviewed at Paranormal Romance with Margaret West
April 17 - Author Interviewed at Paula Zone> http://www.paulazone.blogdrive.com/
April 20 -- Author Interviewed by Fiona Ingram http://fionaingramauthor.blogspot.com/
April 22 - Patti Hultstrand http://azpublishingservices.blogspot.com
April 25 - Author Interviewed at BK Walker Books Etc http://bkwalkerbooksetc.blogspot.com/
April 24 - Author Interviewed at My Immortal Stories http://myimmortalstories.blogspot.com/
May 8 - Guest Blogging at Watery Tart 23 http://waterytart23.blogspot.com/
May 10 - Author Interviewed By Lisa http://lisahaseltonsreviewsandinterviews.blogspot.com/
May 10 - to your schedule with Susan Hanniford Crowley
May 13 - Author Interviewed at Conscious Discussions http://consciousdiscussions.blogspot.com/
May 28 - with Lisa Jackson
June 15 - Author Interviewed by Cate Masters http://catemasters.blogspot.com/
June 30 - Guest Blogging with Lauren http://harveyle.blogspot.com/
Sunday, 4 April 2010
GET THE BUTTON!!!
Hello,
Okay, 'Hope Moon' sales have dropped off, but Haiti earthquake victims still need help... and after everyones hard work I think as many people of possible should own a copy, lol! So not to put to fine a point on it but... I kind of want to hyjack your blogs! Don't panic, I don't mean the whole things but I have got this cute little button...
Okay, 'Hope Moon' sales have dropped off, but Haiti earthquake victims still need help... and after everyones hard work I think as many people of possible should own a copy, lol! So not to put to fine a point on it but... I kind of want to hyjack your blogs! Don't panic, I don't mean the whole things but I have got this cute little button...
Monday, 22 March 2010
Eostara
Ok, usually when The Wheel turns, I set out a ritual at home, they all follow a fairly similar pattern, as to what I've found works best for me.
However, this Eostara things played out a little differently. For most of last week I was fairly ill and as a result spent Wednesday through to Friday in my boyfriends 'Halo 3' T-shirt and leggings. The kids got shipped off to childminders and then their Dad's and my sleep pattern went entirely out the window. All this lead to me being wide awake at 4am Saturday morning, and feeling a lot better than I had in a number of days. Maybe I should get some fresh air, I thought to myself.
So off I set, at 5:30am. The Tyne valley was filled with mist and there was a feeling of watching the world waking up as I watched the street lights blink out one by one as I made my way through housing estate.The Riverside National Park seems a different world at that time of day. Rabbits leaping away everytime my hadow fell a little to close to them. Grouses and moor hens shrieking in alarm each time i snapped a twig a little too loudly. Thick jewel link rain-drops coating evey available leaf, branch and blossom.
Anyway, although it was entirely unplanned, a dawn walk is definatley a ritual I plan to repeat. It's worth doing just for the slightly smug feeling you get pulling of your hiking boots and pouring a cup of tea thinking already today I've seen all those beautiful things, and everyone else hasn't even got out of bed yet!
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
Circle Casting
Casting circles for spells and rituals is something practiced by many branches of witchcraft and Paganism. The purpose and necessity of casting a circle is something that will vary between practitioners and covens.
Some believe that circles are cast to create a protected area in which to practice magic. Others see them as a way of building magical power and focusing it into the ritual that is being carried out. There are others that believe they are a way of acknowledging, paying respect to, and thanking the deities and magical energies that are present during rituals and spells.
As you can imagine, due to the difference in believes as to what a circle is for, there is also a large sliding scale as to how important and elaborate a part of rituals it becomes.
Personally, as a Hedge Witch, circle casting as we know it today isn’t really a big part of my chosen tradition, but it’s still something I often do. Granted in a very short simple format, but I find it creates a nice start and finish point to spells. This may sound a little strange but after a day at the office or running round after children having something you do as a regular prelude to workings is a good way to enter the right mind set and clear away the cluttered thoughts that may distract your concentration.
Below is a very simple example of circle casting, as with all magical workings it’s best to come up with your own adaptation and make it personal to you.
The circle itself may or may not be marked out physically. This can be done with anything you choose but rope and salt are common choices. Sometimes candles are used to mark the directional correspondences on the circumference of the circle, (Green for North, Yellow for East, Red for South and Blue for West). Sometimes representations of each element is used to mark directional correspondences, either around the circumference or on an alter within the circle, (Earth for North, Air for East, Fire for South and Water for West).
Before the circle is cast the person leading the ritual will welcome the Lord and Lady, or specific deities that they wish to be present.
They will then walk round the edge of the circle in a clockwise direction (traditionally starting at the East) marking it out with either an athame, a staff, a wand or simply their finger. They may stop at each compass point to welcome the energies / God / watchtower, or they may complete the circle and then welcome them. An example of what they may say would be:
“Energies of the East, I ask you watch over this rite with powers of knowledge and communication, guided by Air, I bid you ‘Hail and Welcome’,
Energies of the South, I ask you to watch over this rite with powers of strength and will, guided by Fire, I bid you ‘Hail and Welcome’,
Energies of the West, I ask you to watch over this rite with powers of peace and emotion, guided by Water, I bid you ‘Hail and Welcome’,
Energies of the North, I ask you to watch over this rite with powers of prosperity and stability, guided by Earth, I bid you ‘Hail and Welcome’.”
Once the circle is cast it is generally believed you should not cross it’s boundary, and break the circle, if it can at all be helped. Some practitioners will cut a doorway in the circle if someone needs to leave by using whatever they used to draw the circle to mark two small lines across the boundary of it. Once the person has left / re-entered they then re-connect the two edges.
One, if not the, most important part of casting a circle is for all the participants to visualise it as clearly as they can. For most people this will be a circular wall or sphere of light, but it is a very personal thing and will vary for everyone.
Once the spell or ritual has been complete, it is important to then take down the circle. Confusingly this is often called ‘opening’ the circle as people often visualise the energy or light dissipating outwards, rather than falling in on itself.
To do this the person leading the ritual will walk around the circumference in an anticlockwise direction tracing the outline of the circle. Either whilst they are walking and reach the compass points, or after they have finished they will say something along the lines of:
“Energies of the East, thank you for joining me in this rite, stay if you can, go if you must, I bid you ‘Hail and Farewell’,
Energies of the North, thank you for joining me in this rite, stay if you can go if you must, I bid you ‘Hail and Farewell’,
Energies of the West, thank you for joining me in this rite, stay if you can go if you must, I bid you ‘Hail and Farewell’
Energies of the North, thank you for joining me in this rite, stay if you can go if you must, I bid you ‘Hail and Farewell’.”
They will often use a similar statement format for thanking and saying goodbye to the Lord and Lady or other deities, which they will do next.
As I said previously this is a basic outline of how circles are cast. Some are much more complicated, and by the same token some or much simpler. Some plainly consist of visualising the circle and mentally acknowledging the different elements and directions associated with them.
However you choose to embrace this practice, like all things magical, it will develop personal power and meaning the more you do it.
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